Daniel Bonde

Daniel Bonde

Daniel Bonde blev uddannet Totum kropsterapeut i 2016 og er nu underviser på Totum, udover at have sin egen klinik. Daniel søger gennem sine behandlinger at skabe et frirum, hvor det er tilladt at mærke, føle og udtrykke lige præcis det, der rører sig indeni nu og her.

Indhold

Kun når jeg står sikkert på mine fødder, kan jeg holde andre oppe

Indholdsfortegnelse

Kropsterapeuter oplever hver dag, sammenhængen mellem krop og psyke træde tydeligt frem, når de behandler deres klienter. Her fortæller en af mine klienter om, hvordan smerterne i hendes fødder viste sig at være langt mere end et fysisk problem.

“Mine fødder gav mig første gang problemer som teenager. Jeg havde smerter, når jeg gik, og jeg fik at vide, at det var fordi, min akillessene var for kort. Men det gik i sig selv igen, og i mange år var der ingen smerter, og jeg glemte alt om det. Lige indtil for tre år siden i 2017, hvor jeg var på ferie i Rom med min familie, og hvor det var så varmt. Der hævede mine fødder pludselig op til næsten dobbelt størrelse.

Jeg måtte gå i klip-klappere, for jeg kunne ikke få fødderne ned i andet. Og hvert skridt gjorde så ondt, at det var som om at gå på nåle. Jeg kunne simpelthen ikke gå på grund af smerter og blev tvunget til at tilbringe nogle af dagene alene på hotelværelset i stedet for sammen med min familie, der udforskede spændende nye steder – til fods.

Pludselige forandringer

Jeg havde kort forinden vores ferie fået et opkald fra min mor, om at min far havde fået en blodprop i hjernen – samtidigt med at jeg selv fik at vide, at jeg muligvis havde celleforandringer i underlivet. Det var en stor mundfuld, men jeg følte ikke, at jeg kunne fortælle min mor om det med mig selv, for hun skulle ikke have den bekymring lige oveni det med min far. Så jeg gik alene med en gnavende angst for, hvad der skete i mit liv og i min fars liv.

På den sommerferie fik jeg også angstanfald, jeg slet ikke kunne styre, og jeg begyndte at hyperventilere og græde på de mærkeligste steder i Rom

På den sommerferie fik jeg også angstanfald, jeg slet ikke kunne styre. Varmen, lyden fra mange mennesker i undergrundsbanen, og følelsen af at ikke kunne bevæge sig fremad, satte konstant mit system i alarmberedskab, og jeg begyndte at hyperventilere og græde på de mærkeligste steder i Rom. Men selv om det var voldsomt, forbandt jeg dog ikke min angst med smerterne i fødderne.

Angsten gik over, da vi kom hjem til det kølige danske vejr igen. Men mine fødder blev ved med at gøre ondt, selv efter de fik deres normale størrelse. Og hele efteråret gjorde det ondt, når jeg gik. Men så blev det vinter, og det gik lidt i sig selv igen.

Lige indtil næste sommer, hvor smerterne vendte tilbage, uden at mine fødder hævede op. Og selvom det fyldte i tankerne, så prøvede jeg at ignorere det. Bildte mig selv ind, at jeg var sådan en, der bare måtte leve med dumme fødder. Jeg ville helst ikke sygeliggøre mig ved at fortælle om det, derfor holdt jeg det for mig selv.

Tag dit velvære alvorligt

Hvis folk er ligesom mig, så negligerer de ofte smerter, som ikke er helt alarmerende, men som bare er der. Som fx med smerterne i mine fødder. Og det er en skam, for det er jo et signal, kroppen forsøger at sende. Og den eneste, der kan modtage det, er dig.

Først efter lang tid prøvede jeg kropsterapi, og jeg kunne godt mærke, at det blev bedre af den manuelle behandling, men da det psykiske aspekt også blev koblet på, så begyndte behandlingerne virkelig at rykke – og ikke kun ved problemerne med mine fødder.

Han aflæste min krop, og hvor spændingerne var i løbet af behandlingen, og i forbindelse med mine ben gjorde han mig opmærksom på, at jeg havde behov for at være mere solidt plantet, fordi jeg havde svært ved at markere mig og tage plads i verden. Jeg kan huske hans ord: “Jeg har en fornemmelse af, at du har svært ved at stå fast.”

Det gjorde indtryk på mig, og sammen med berøringen på solar plexus begyndte jeg spontant at græde.

Uden at tænke over det, knyttede jeg mine næver under behandlingen

Kroppens erindring

Da han spurgte: “Hvad er det, du føler lige nu?” vældede ordene ud af mig – blandt andet om hvordan jeg havde haft det som barn. Ting, som jeg egentlig godt vidste, men ikke havde tænkt på som problemer, der påvirkede mig endnu – jeg vidste da godt, at jeg var blevet mobbet som barn, men det var jo så længe siden. Men det sad åbenbart i kroppen endnu.

Efter nogle behandlinger, og efter at have fået de triste følelser grædt ud, kom der en vrede op i mig. Uden at tænke over det, knyttede jeg mine næver under behandlingen. Men han forstod det og sagde “Du må gerne slå i briksen og være vred. Det er godt at komme af med den vrede.” Kropsterapi er virkelig en behandling, hvor man i den grad kommer videre med sig selv, fordi man kommer af med det, der holder en tilbage.

Jeg lærte at tænke mere på min krop som et samlet hele. Fx er det ikke nødvendigvis fødderne, der er selve problemet, selv om det er der, hvor jeg mærker smerterne. Under behandlingen kunne jeg tydeligt mærke, hvor tæt forbundet kroppen var til mine følelser og mit psykiske velbefindende. Det var som om, kroppens hukommelse var skarpere end min egen; den huskede følelser, jeg havde lagret i den helt fra barndommen og siden glemt.

Kropsterapien nåede dybere end jeg selv kunne

Baggrunden for mine smerter fandtes i barndommens verden af mobning og angst – følelsen af at være omringet af børn, der står og råber ad mig. Trangen til at gemme sig og gøre sig lille som en forsvarsmekanisme, et skjold mod verden. Følelsen af at jeg ikke måtte optage for megen plads, er også noget jeg har taget med i mit voksenliv.

Under en af behandlingerne blev jeg bevidst om denne følelse af, at jeg gjorde mig lille og ikke måtte fylde for meget. Og pludselig fik jeg bare lyst til at stampe hårdt i jorden, plante mine fødder solidt og sige højt, at det er mig, der bestemmer. Det er mig, der er herre i mit eget liv. Og det har hjulpet mig med at ændre attitude til verden.

Det var det vildeste rush, at komme derhen, hvor man føler sig stærk nok til ikke at miste fodfæstet i sådan en situation, men at turde handle.

At finde sin egen styrke

For ganske nyligt fortalte min datter mig, at hun havde haft en række dårlige oplevelser i sin skoleklasse. Hun beskrev noget, jeg kendte alt for godt: mobning. Hendes oplevelser lå tæt op ad mine egne som barn. Oplevelsen med min datter kaldte på den voksne, ikke på barnet i mig. Der følte jeg virkelig, jeg havde brug for min nye styrke.

Heldigvis har kropsterapien hjulpet mig til at træde i karakter og handle. Ikke gøre mig lille, men træde frem på vegne af min datter og løse de problemer, hvor jeg før ville have reageret ved at græde. Takket være den styrke, jeg har fundet i mig selv, kunne jeg vende det, der kunne have været en retraumatiserende oplevelse til en helende oplevelse.

Netop min håndtering af situationen gjorde, at det næsten føltes som at redde mig selv og komme mit yngre selv til undsætning. I symbolsk og måske også i psykologisk forstand føles det som om, jeg fik taget revanche for al den smerte og angst, jeg selv blev påført. Det var det vildeste rush, at komme derhen, hvor man føler sig stærk nok til ikke at miste fodfæstet i sådan en situation, men at turde handle.

Efter det forløb, jeg har været igennem, ved jeg, hvordan jeg skal passe på mig selv. Jeg skal sørge for en sund forankring i mig selv; kun når jeg står sikkert på mine ben, kan jeg holde andre oppe.”

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Forfatter

Daniel Bonde

Daniel Bonde

Daniel Bonde blev uddannet Totum kropsterapeut i 2016 og er nu underviser på Totum, udover at have sin egen klinik. Daniel søger gennem sine behandlinger at skabe et frirum, hvor det er tilladt at mærke, føle og udtrykke lige præcis det, der rører sig indeni nu og her.

Seneste indlæg

Du skaber dit eget liv fordi…..

Vi kender nok allesammen mennesker, der bare altid er vildt heldige – som i “Fætter-Højben-heldige”. Eller andre mennesker som synes at ramle

Kropsterapeut Anja Eggert

Det gik næsten lidt for stærkt

Der er meget, man skal bruge for at drive en moderne klinik. Bookingsystem, klippekort, journal, klientanmeldelser, hjemmeside for at nævne nogle af

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